October 15th, 2005

"Audrey... Sweet pea... Audrey... AUDREY!" My mom was trying to wake me up. I heard her, and I suppose technically I was awake, but I was not quite yet ready to physically respond. She came over and sat on the side of my bed. "Honey, what time do you need to be there for work today? Want me to make you something for breakfast? Do I have time to wash your clothes from last night or no? Sweetie... Audrey... are you awake?"

"Yes... I'm awake." I muttered without opening my eyes or moving my head from my pillow.

"Sweet pea... what time do you need to be there? It's 10:45. I heard you come in last night so I know your event last night went late. Your father and I were getting nervous you might oversleep. Honey...?"

"I'm awake, Mom. Kind of. I'll get up in a minute, really. I think I need to be there at... noon, maybe? I've got time..." It was amazing how good I was at talking out of only the far side of my mouth.

"Ok, well... isn't the party a bit further away? Greenwich or something near there?"

"Uhmmm... Darien, it's in Darien... I think."

"Aud, that's still about a half an hour away. You should probably leave in about 45 minutes. Do you want breakfast before you leave?"

"I can just have cereal, thanks Mom."

"Well, I was going to make waffles anyway for Izzie. You want some?"

"Sure, mom."

"Ok, well can you get up? Honey... I don't want to nag but I'll feel a lot better once you are in the shower."

----

Twenty minutes later and I was still in the shower. The warm water was slowly working it's magic but I couldn't find the strength to get out quite yet. I'd been working at a rehearsal dinner the night before and while I knew going into it that those events went later than some of the corporate events the catering company did, I was not expecting the kind of partying - or tipping - the group we were working for had in store. My boss decided to stick around much later than our contract stated when the groom forked over $1500 in cash to keep the party going. But we never expected things to last until 2:30 in the morning. By the time we'd packed everything up it was 3:30 and I wasn't in bed until around 4am.

"Audrey! Come for waffles! Mommy made them for us!" Isabelle had clearly been tasked with getting me out of the shower.

I slowly turned the water off. "Ok, Izz, I'll be right down."

-----

My mom's waffle recipe probably came off the back of an Aunt Jemima bottle, but they tasted better than ay other waffles I'd ever had. Waffles were always our treat growing up on snow days, or on weekends after good report cards, and there was still power in them to me to this day.

"Honey, you want one more?" my mom asked with a smile. She was kind of a closet health nut and I'd had three alreayd so I knew she was spoiling me with this offer.

"Mom, are you worried about me?" I asked her point blank as she stood there ready to load another waffle onto my plate while looking charming in her gingham apron.

"Sweet pea... what? What do you mean?"

"The wake up, the waffles... it's like I'm back in 8th grade. I'm just wondering what you are thinking is all."

"Aud, no.... not really. Honey, I just know this catering job isn't really what you were hoping to be doing right now. And I'm sure it was hard for you with Henry in the city all summer, coming home with all kinds of stories and things like that. And I bet the event last night was exhausting. So I guess maybe... I suppose I am trying to help you out a little. I can't help it. I just want to make today a little easier on you."

"Yeah, ok. Well, today should be easier." I picked up my glass of orange juice and swirled it around as I spoke. "Hopefully this birthdy party won't go very late and I can get a few more job applications out this afternoon. I'm definitely ready for something new, BUT... things could be worse." I put the glass down. "At least I'm no longer painting the garage with Dad, right? Hah. Now that, that was torture."

My Mom smiled. It was an odd feeling - me trying to make her feel better. For the majority of my life that dynamic had gone the other way. But it

Sunday, June 26th, 2005

Waking up from a nap had never been something I'd done well. Even as a child, when napping was a regular occurrence, I was still a mess. Hair all over the place, glazed eyes, imprints of my sleeve on the side of my face - that was how I got it done and it wasn't pretty. It was even less pretty today, since I was about 4 days behind on sleep and had just spent the last five hours passed out in an almost impossible position against the window of an airplane. It also didn't help that I had failed to set my alarm last night which meant I overslept and had to skip showering and brushing my teeth in order to actually make it to the airport before my flight left this morning. I'm sure my breath was at least partially responsible for why the woman in the seat next to me was frantic about getting out of our row and off the plane as quickly as possible.

I was still deep in my haze, but because I'd spent the last four years taking regular cross country flights back and forth from my parents in Connecticut to college in California, I was able to go mindlessly through the motions of collecting myself, my items in the seatback pocket in front of me, and my carry on bag above before I exited the plane. It was only as I grumbled to myself about the abnormal bulk of my shoulder bag that I realized this was the last time I would be making this journey for the foreseeable future; I had just graduated.

Well, "just" was a bit relative in this case. I had really "just" flown back home after a week in Mexico with a bunch of college friends, but right before that we had all graduated. Our little spring break-like getaway had seemed brilliant when we booked it three months ago but right now I would probably give it all back to find myself comfortably asleep in bed instead.

However, since I didn't have a job lined up at this point, I reminded myself I had at least a week to catch up on sleep before my parents started waking me up at 7am to help me devote more time to my job search. A few weeks earlier the law firm that I had interned at the summer before had called to let me know they were re-structuring the New York office, and that the group I had received a job offer from was getting moved to the Houston office and was not taking any entry level staff. This bothered me less than it probably should, but I hadn't been totally sold on the life and times of a paralegal so in some way it seemed more like fate lending me a hand than anything else. Fortunately I had not rented an apartment yet, so I wasn't on the hook for that payment, though I knew that living at home in Milford, Connecticut wasn't going to come without a cost. My family and I had a great relationship, it had just been a long four years since we had all lived under the same roof.

I was perfectly happy zoning out while waiting for my bags at carousel number 4, but I tried to liven myself up a bit as I went through customs. The last thing I was in the mood for was to set off some red flag with the agent and then spend the next 30 minutes watching them unpack and repack all of the stuff I'd dragged across the country with me. I'd donated most of my furniture and old clothes while still in California and luckily my parents could take a few extra suitcases back home with them when they left after graduation, but I still had a lot of little things I couldn't part with packed away in my carry on and checked bags.

"Good afternoon!", I said to the agent as I placed my passport and customs form on the counter in front of me. I really dug deep to throw on some extra zest and earn my exclamation point.

He looked up. "Good evening", he said back.

Damn. What time was it? Did I really just mess that up? "Right", I said. "I guess it is that late here. Still afternoon back in Mexico though." I smiled, but he didn't even want to notice as he had already started to review my paperwork. I was hoping that I was just a relatively uninteresting passenger rather than his next victim. He looked down at my bags, "All that for a week in Mexico?"

"Well, I graduated college right before that, so I had some extra stuff with me."

"And where did you go to college?"

"Stanford." I still had problems saying it without sounding a little awkward. To me it just sounded like "Smart School."

"You brought all that from Connecticut to Mexico and now back to New York?"

Oh boy. I had forgotten about this problem on the East Coast. Stanford was not processed as one of the country's most prostigeous universities located 30 miles south of San Francisco - it was processed as Stamford, a smallish city in Western Connecticut.

"No, sorry... STANford. In California. I went from there to Mexico, and now I'm coming back to the East coast."

"Ok, gotcha. Sorry about that - thought you said Stamford. Stanford... got it. They make the Sweet 16 every couple years right?"

"Yes, they uh - its a pretty good sports program". I didn't have the guts to tell him that Stanford athletes did much more than that - the school consistently was voted as having the best athletic program in the country. But sports like volleyball, water polo, and maybe even soccer didn't seem to be on this guy's radar.

"Ok, well, you're all set so congrats on graduating from Stanford in California, Catherine. Hope you had fun out there for college. Now... welcome back to New York."

He handed me back my forms just before shouting "Neeeeeext" right my in my face. The eager couple behind me with a cart of luggage then shoved me and my bags out of the way to get to the agent. Welcome back to New York, indeed.

---------

I put my head down as I walked the gauntlet of cabbies, car service drivers, and excited friends and family members eagerly awaiting a familiar face among the latest arrivals to New York. Only when I heard someone screaming "AUDREY!" did I realize that my mom and little sister were in the mix.

"Mom? Hi! What are you doing here? I thought I was going to take the train out and call you guys on the way?"

"Sweat pea, hiiiiiii!" She went in for the big hug. "We just called your name probably 5 times and you walked right by. You a little sleepy?"

"I am. I slept most of the flight, but I didn't sleep for most of the week in Mexico." I had a pretty open relationship with my parents. Not open enough for talk of - say - body shots, but relatively transparent.

"Wait, so why are you guys here? And hi Izzie Bellie!" I reached down to pick up my 6 year old sister, Isabelle. Ooh, she was heavy. "Wow, someone's gotten bigger since Christmas - how old are you now 20?" Isabelle gave me a "nooooo" and giggled, she spent so much time around adults she was ready to be 20 though. Sometimes she dressed better than I did, though that was more my mother's doing I suppose. My parents had had me in their mid twenties, my brother Henry a few years after that, and then twelve years laters they had what they jokingly referred to as "the why not?" She was absolutely adorbale; her biggest flaw in my eyes being that she pushed back the use of swear words in the house another ten years.

"I left you a few messages on your cell - did you not get them?"

I went with "No" rather than "Well mom, my phone is dead because I forgot to charge it after I stayed out until 5am and passed out in my bathing suit". It seemed like the prudent choice.

"Well, we wanted to see Henry's apartment for the summer, so we drove into the city and then from there figured we might as well come out here and get you on the ride home. Dad's out circling, the saint. Traffic has been awful today."

"Mommy, Audrey's bags are HUGE. I can fit inside them. Are you going to take me in your bag for your next trip to California, Audrey?" Isabelle smiled and unzipped my duffle bag and stuck her arm in to show she could fit.

"Guess what, Izz, I graduated so I'm done with school. I'm not going back to California for a while." Maybe it was the lack of sleep but I couldn't help myself from tearing up a little as I said this. Which must have set off my mom's momma bird signal because she gave me one of her looks that said, "Aww, honey - don't be sad". And then she immediately picked up my heaviest bag, grabbed my sister's hand and said, "let's go find your father."

-----

Listening to my parents give each other the play by play of what had happened during their 20 minutes apart at the airport was almost therapeutic. They were such charming dorks - sociable yet intellectual at the same time. My dad was a family practitioner focused on the health, wealth, and wellbeing of everyone around him (this included random strangers who he was happy to advise on a whim), and my mom was a part time photography instructor at Yale. Their idea of a perfect day was a morning nature hike heavy on the photo ops, an afternoon tearing into a crossword puzzle or a good book while lying in the hammock in the backyard, and a big vino-heavy dinner with their children or friends. I'd grown up pretending I was too cool for these activities but the at that point the truth was that I was excited to re-engage in all of them.

"So, Ms. Graduate..." my dad began as he looked at me in the rear view mirror. He didn't get past this though because my mom started to hum pomp and circumstance which he couldn't resist joining in on as well.

"Yes, yes, yes... that's me. Thank you, thank you... I'd like to the Academy... and my dear parents for their support and financial backing... and my little sister, Isabelle for her macaroni art that got me through those first few challenging years..." my Academy Awards speech was cut off at this point as my parents sent each other into a loud laughter spell.

"Ohh, Aud - you are something." my dad began. "But really... tell us... how was Mexico? Were you guys frequenting Senor Worms or whatever that place is called?"

"It's Senor Frogs and... I wouldn't say we frequented it. We had to check it out, but dad, you'd be proud of us - we only spent 3 days in Cancun and then we rented cars and drove around other areas and checked out the ruins. There are some incredible places down there..."

"Good for you. I figured it was going to be all tequila, all the time. Your mother and I went down there probably 15 years ago - you probably don't even remember. You and Henry went to Gamma's and we ran away for a long weekend. I'm sure a lot has changed though - we drove to some ruins on the beach and they were all dirt roads."

"Yeah, definitely different. I think it was a four lane highway when we drove it... guess that's progress huh? Anyway, it was great. I mean, I'm exhausted from all the fuss at graduation and then all the celebrating we did in Mexico, but at the same time, who knows when we will all be able to take a vacation together again? Sarah, Emily, and Lily are in San Francisco, Jackie is at med school in Pennslyvania, Laura at law school in Chicago, and Katherine in DC - it's so weird. The magnificient seven... torn apart!"

My parents called my closest friends from college and me "the magnificient seven". I'd invited them all to join my parents and me at my grandparents' house on Cape Cod for a week the summer after junior year and it had left an indelible mark. Nothing like a gaggle of new 21 year olds at the beach to entertain parents.

"Well, honey, once you get a job the nice thing is you can take little weekend getaways to visit all of them..." my dad replied. The job talk - here we go...

"Dad, can I have a week to deal with myself before we get into the job talks? It's not my fault that the firm restructured. Plus, this way I can spend some time thinking about what I really want to do. And for the record, other members of the magnificent seven are unemployed. It's not like I'm the ONLY one..."

"Aud, sorry. I really didn't mean to crack down on you. I just meant once you are making some money, you can travel and in that case distance with friends isn't so bad. I promise, you've got a week of no pressure from me." He looked at me in the rear view mirror again and winked.

I gave him five days. If that. My dad was a work horse. If I wasn't working for someone else, he'd be sure that I was at least working for him.

-----

The traffic on the Whitestone Bridge and I-95 through Connecticut wasn't bad at all. I guess most people were going from the beach to the city rather than the reverse. We made it home in about an hour and a half, though it felt like far less for me given that I passed out about half way through the ride.

??Henry at house? I banker? Hot car, etc???

January 26th, 2006

There was a lot on the team's calendar for Thursday, January 26th. From 11am to 4pm, all five of Lockwood's portfolio managers would be conducting their quarterly update calls for investors, and then from 6pm to 8pm, the marketing team was scheduled to have dinner with Eric Silverman at La Grenouille in Midtown. While Eric was "keynoting" the discussion, the real interest for Caroline, Margaux and me was that our two new colleagues would be joining the team for the first time. As Margaux had predicted, the new "new girl" had been offered a position, and apparently the Morgan Stanley guy had committed as well. None of us had any idea, of course, until Elizabeth had run back to the Pod the night before to share the news. She glowed as she announced that they would be joining us at our team dinner, and then they would both start in the office the following Monday. I noticed that Margaux pulled back a smile at the mention of Monday - that was the day she was planning on telling everyone she was leaving.

Around 10:15 that morning, Tim called me into his office. "Audrey - quick favor. We allow investors to email in questions for the portfolio managers in advance of their calls, but of course we don't have time or want to ask every single one of them. So we need to sort through the emails and pull out the good ones. I also jotted a few down on this pad for each PM that I think are fair to ask, so can you do me a favor and quickly type all this stuff up and print off a few copies and then we can walk through them together and get rid of the ones that we don't want to ask? We like softballs rather than hardballs around here, know what I mean?"

"Sure Tim, no problem."

I sorted the emails by which manager the question was for, and then typed up a list for each speaker with Tim's questions at the top and the investor questions in a separate section below. I printed the lists off and made my way back to Tim's office.

"Alright," he said when I put the list in front of him, "sharpies ready?"

Some of the questions were poorly written, some were redundant, and others were just negative. I could see why Tim wouldn't want to throw those out during a live call, but there were a few he removed that seemed pretty innocuous. One investor asked about why a new share class skipped over certain letters of the alphabet. It seemed a bit silly, sure, but it wasn't exactly a "hardball".

"Wait, so what is this question asking? I don't think I've really dealt with this kind of thing yet."

"Alright - history lesson. So every so often terms change, special situations arise, that type of thing and we have to open a new share class as a means of bucketing people who come into a certain version of a Fund. Essentially, performance might very a little depending on what share class you are in and this is a way to track people who all have the same 'parameters'. Typically the new classes just march right down the alphabet when an additional class opens: the first class is A, the next B, C, etc. But for the new series this year, the class jumped from H to K. It's not really a big deal, and few people pay attention to that type of thing. I'm surprised this guy even noticed."

"So then why did it skip?"

"Ha. Curious minds want to know huh? Well, the truth is... Charles doesn't like the letters I or J. I think there are a few others too - like Q and V - but those are further down the road."

"Tim - stop. Really. What if someone else asks me this? Come on - why did it skip?"

"Audrey, you know... if only I had a better reason. I am not kidding. Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, it's confusing. And yes, from this year forward some poor kid crunching numbers over in accounting has to remember to skip I and J every time he writes down the list of share classes. But what can I tell you. It's Charles' name on the door. He says 'jump!' and we say 'how high?'"

Charles didn't like the letters I or J. I'd never heard anyone over 5 say anything like that before. This was really something.

----------------------

Listening to hour after hour of investor updates gave me a cloudy head pretty quickly. The portfolio managers rarely filled their full 60 minute time slot so there always a few breaks in between, but not more than enough time to get a new drink from the kitchen or relieve yourself of the drink you'd consumed during the previous session. By 3 o'clock it felt like I had been chained to my desk all day. And because I really wanted to learn the investment themes of each portfolio I decided to take notes on everything, so I couldn't even get other work done while I listened. I was going to have a lot of unopened emails to clean up before we left for dinner at 6.

Charles always went last, and when his booming voice came ringing through my headset as he announced the start of his call a few minutes after 3, I scrambled to turn the volume down a few clicks.

Each of the other Portfolio Managers had a strict set of guidelines from Elizabeth that outlined how they should structure their call. They were to start with a review of performance, discuss the drivers of performance at a sector level, and then move in to individual names and future investment themes. If time allowed after this, Tim - who served as the moderator of all the calls - would ask a few questions. For Charles, however, there were no rules. I'd heard that sports trivia and political commentary were popular tangents, and I was looking forward to seeing where he took the call this quarter.

"Alright everyone, thanks for dialing in - let's get this started. Now, I'm going to start with our performance for the most recent quarter. December is usually our sweet spot because we've got a really strong consumer team here at Lockwood and as everybody knows November and December are very consumer driven months given all the Holiday shopping. This year, we felt we were in a whole bunch of good consumer names that were really going to pop when it came to rolling out their products for holiday shopping. You know, products that become 'all the rage' and just close out the year with killer revenues. The problem is, I think we rested on our laurels a little bit here this holiday season. In other words, you know, we took our finger off the pulse - the consumer's pulse. So as it turned out, a number of the companies we loved didn't meet expectations that people had for them on Wall Street, and they paid a pretty penny for that in their share price. And unfortunately we paid a price as well."

He cleared his throat. Not once, but twice.

"So, we lagged the Index. And that really bothered me because I felt like we'd found some great names. So I took it upon myself to dig into the muck a bit and iron out what had been the catalyst for this underperformance. You know, what really went wrong; why didn't these companies do what we thought they were going to do. And it turned out we had missed a couple things. In some cases, we missed some really obvious things - memos and such outlining that the scenario might not be so great for these guys. That really drove me nuts. I'm been in this business too long to just miss things. I thought about how to prevent something like this from happening again, and I decided we needed to bring in some fresh blood to get some new opinions. Mix things up a a little. Don't get me wrong, the team was great, but for so long there hadn't been any changes, and I felt like it was time. So with the help of our fantastic HR team, I scouted out some really... and I mean really... top notch talent and I am pleased to announce that starting the week after next we'll have a new VP on the team covering consumers. I'm not naming names because I want to make sure this person has all their ducks in row with their previous employer. The timing works out great too, because our own Maria Flynn is also going to be leaving us. Maria's been here for a long time but I think it's time..."

I could no longer hear Charles' call because Caroline and Margaux were whisper-screaming at each other across the Pod.

"DUDE - Maria is leaving? No way. A week before bonuses? WAIT. Did he just fire her???" Margaux asked Caroline.

"Elizabeth definitely didn't mention anything. So... yeah, I'm pretty sure he just did! Which is absolutely unreal. On the conference call? Jesus." Caroline opened her IM while she was saying this and started fiendishly typing away. "I'm going to IM Helen and ask her if she had any idea."

I didn't really know who Maria was or what was going on, but I did know that Helen was a young research analyst, and Caroline's friend from high school had been Helen's roommate in college. Margaux and I both got up to read Caroline's IM conversation over her shoulder.

CarolineCox: Helen! What the hell is going on? Is Maria seriously fired?

HelenBrown: OHMYGAWD. I think so! We are all flipping out and IM-ing like crazy people over here on the research floor. This is INSANE.

CarolineCox: So you had no idea?

HelenBrown: None. Nothing at all. I mean, Maria was like Charles' fav forever! By the way, sorry if I'm slow to reply... I have like 5 conversations open in IM right now. We are freaking out.

CarolineCox: So is she still there?

HelenBrown: No. So awkward. She was listening to the call like the rest of us, and then as soon as Charles said it, Ellen came SPRINTING in and pulled her out of the room. She's not back yet. I mean... is she coming back? WTF?

CarolineCox: So do you have any idea what happened?

HelenBrown: Honestly... not really. Maria was out for 2 weeks for her honeymoon in November and when she got back Charles was PISSED bc he felt she'd disappeared off the face of the earth. But it just seemed more like he was moody than permanently mad, you know? Plus, she called in like twice a week from whatever safari she was on in Africa, which seemed like more than enough to me. Anyway, that's the ONLY thing I can think of that would make him so annoyed at her. That woman has made that man a LOT of money.

CarolineCox: Geez. Remind me to never get married, right?

HelenBrown: Hah! This is going to be a mess. I'll let you know if I see Maria, but I would guess they'll just box up her stuff. And who is this new guy?? So random!!

CarolineCox: Alright, well good luck up there... keep me posted!

Margaux began, "Helen is so right. Maria made Charles a TON of money over the years. You'd think missing two weeks of company earnings calls and stuff wouldn't lead to this! Plus, I'm sure someone was covering that stuff for her. So why not fire that person??"

"Sorry - I'm sure I should know this, but which analyst was Maria?" I asked.

"Maria has been here forever," Caroline began. "I mean like... at least five or six years. And she is unbelievably smart. She covered consumer products and was totally in line to be a Managing Director in a year or two. Probably one of the last people I would ever expect to get fired period, let alone unexpectedly over an investor call! Elizabeth is going to freak, by the way."

"Hah!" Margaux blurted out. "Check your email..."

At the top of my inbox was an email with the subject line "Maria Flynn". It was from Charles Lockwood, despite the fact that he was still on his investor call. Clearly a lot of things were going on behind the scenes here.

The email read:

Lockwood associates,

It is with great sadness that I must inform you of the departure of our dear friend, Maria Flynn. After nearly six years of service here at Lockwood, today will be her last day. We hope she remains a friend of the firm and we wish her well in all her future endeavors.

Cheers,
Charles

I didn't feel like I knew enough about Maria to grasp the magnitude of this departure, but the email seemed rather inappropriate. Employees who hadn't been listening to the call live had surely heard the full story by now, and knew that Charles had just unexpectedly fired one of his most senior researchers suddenly and publicly. It wasn't exactly a brilliant PR move, but as Tim had said earlier - it was his name on the door.

I picked up my headset and put it back on my head to hear the end of Charles' call.

"...could be difficult. That said, I'm excited about how we are positioned. We did miss some things last quarter in some of those consumer names, but Wall Street - in my opinion - hit these companies harder than they deserved. So earlier this month when some of these stocks were getting crushed and trading at the very low end of their historical averages, I took the opportunity to add a little bit to our positions. Not a lot, but just enough to take advantage of this low pricing. It's kind of the same thought as - sure, your wife has nice jewelry, but if you walk by Tiffany's and see a sign that says "20% off" well, you might take advantage. I mean, even if your wife doesn't need anything new, you can sell it on Ebay and snatch that 20% right back, you know?" He laughed. "Oh my. Anyway, so that's more or less what I'm thinking right now. I look forward to reporting next quarter's results to everyone, and I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday season with your families and a very Happy New Year. Thank you for your continued support of our firm and our products."

Tim then came on, "That concludes our calls today, everyone. As Charles said, thank you for your support and please contact the marketing team at any time with additional questions. Enjoy the rest of your day." The line then went to a light Jazz song. Charles' call had lasted only about 25 minutes. And he had taken no questions. And he had just fired one of his most senior researchers. Not exactly the signs of a "good day".

The problem was that when Charles had a bad day, Elizabeth had a bad day; and when Elizabeth had a bad day, the Pod had a bad day. It was all just a matter of time.

I got in about 15 minutes worth of addressing the issues that had piled up in my inbox over the course of the calls when Elizabeth saddled up to the Pod and sat down in the empty chair. She was almost obsessively twirling the large diamond earring in her left year as she made this statement - not a good sign.

"Well. That was something, now wasn't it? I can't believe I didn't know that that was about to happen. I'm pretty sure Charles just decided - on a whim - to go through with it. It's certainly not every day you publicly fire someone, let alone when that public is your most engaged investor base. I can't even tell you the number of phone calls I had waiting for me on this. But, you know, that is Charles' prerogative. And, [sigh], to be honest, I support the decision. He has spent the last 25 years perfecting his ability to read people and he has built an incredible organization that could change the face of the hedge fund industry. It's truly incredible. He knows what he is doing and if Maria had to go, she had to go. I just think with all this stress that he's been dealing with as of late, he probably wasn't able to see that there might be a better approach to getting that achieved." She sighed again. "Anyway, it's done. And I wanted to let you know that if anyone contacts you about this, just act natural and review the same reasons Charles did on the phone - a need to improve the team and replace someone who wasn't the ideal fit. It's really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. And the week after next we can circulate information on the background of this new hire to anyone who is interested. Sound good?"

We each nodded.

Elizabeth had just talked herself down from being terribly frustrated at Charles. It was an incredible act of self-medication, and she seemed in a much better mood. She even smiled at us. "And are you guys excited for dinner tonight? I just love La Grenouille - the souffles are incredible. Eric really made a great choice for our team and it will be refreshing to hear what he's thinking. Why don't we all meet up by my office and head over together around 5:45 or so, ok?"

Again, we nodded.

------------------------

At 6:08pm, Margaux, Caroline, and I were standing outside Elizabeth's office waiting for her to get off the phone. Tim and Eric had gone over to the restaurant twenty minutes earlier to check in for our reservation, but given her pep talk earlier in the day, the three of us felt compelled to wait for Elizabeth. At this point though, it was getting a bit old. Standing outside her office holding out for her to wrap up a phone conversation was a pretty embarrassing exercise. There is enough traffic by her door that people who are running errands within the office typically see you standing aimlessly on the way to wherever they need to be, and then again on the way back. Your time appears to have very little value - at least to Elizabeth. This time, the situation was a bit less awkward because there were three of us and we could keep ourselves entertained.

"You guys are going to have to take notes on the new team dynamic once - you know - I can't," Margaux requested with a smile. "Two new people is a lot around here."

Caroline responded, "Yeah, this will be interesting. Since she's a Charles connection, this woman could be useful or a total dud. And him, I'm not sure what his story is. My guess is that he's a broker recommendation if he's coming directly to us from Morgan. That usually doesn't happen unless someone over there gives their blessing. Elizabeth did just say in a meeting I was in that he's kind of an expert in dealing with institutional clients, which isn't really our investor base. Could be great for him, but I'm sure there are also a lot of expectations. Who knows?"

Margaux glanced at her watch. "Uhm, it's almost 6:15. Tim and Eric are probably downing drinks at the bar right now. So not fair. Though maybe with Eric it will loosen him up a bit for this 'chat'."

"I just can't wait for the souffle!" I threw out there.

Margaux started to shake her head in agreement. "Audrey - this place is amazing. Everything on the menu is heaven. We went there for a baby shower for Charles' old assistant a year or so ago and it was one of the best meals I've ever had. I'm kind of glad today was such a zoo because I barely touched my lunch which now means I've got extra room for dinner!!"

At that point, we could tell Elizabeth was finally winding down her 30+ minute phone conversation.

"Great, great. Yes, absolutely. I couldn't agree more." Pause. "No, thank you for your time. I'll be in touch. You too. Good bye." The phone went down on the receiver. "Ladies! I am SO sorry - have you been waiting long? I really couldn't help it - that was the head of the country's second largest state pension office. They make huge allocations - that could be a few hundred million for us!! Very exciting! Charles will be so pleased to hear about this. Actually, I should call him - just one more minute..."

We looked at each other knowing it would not be just one more minute.

"Elizabeth, you know what - I think we should head over. Tim and Eric went over to hold down the reservation but they could probably use a few more bodies. Why don't you just meet us there?" Margaux was emboldened by her forthcoming departure; I'd never heard anyone suggest the rationale choice to Elizabeth like this before. I turned quickly to see what she would say.

"Well... actually, you know what, that's probably right. What time is it, 6?"

"It's almost 6:20," Margaux kept on holding her ground. Impressive.

"Oh dear. Alright, let's do this. Let's all head over and I can either call Charles on the way or after dinner. Right? He's probably about to have dinner himself!"

At 6:30 - 30 minutes late - we finally walked in the door of the restaurant. Fortunately with all kinds of baby and bridal showers for employees hosted there, the firm was a good client of La Grenouille so the faux pas was overlooked.

As we approached the table I caught my first glimpse of the two new hires. They were both much older than me - she was probably about 30 and he had to be at least 35. I had a feeling I was still going to be called "new girl".

We all then took the time to introduce ourselves. The new hires names were Rachel Darby and Scott Johnson. Rachel, as it turned out, had gone to UCLA just like Elizabeth though there was no mention of them overlapping. She had previously worked at another hedge fund that was mostly debt focused so she was "really excited to get more exposure to equities". Scott - as we had been told - had come from Morgan Stanley. He worked on the Pension Services team there, which seemed to imply that he had covered this type of client's investments. He had a JD/MBA from the University of Chicago, and - like me - he had attended Stanford as an undergraduate.

After the official introductions, we ordered, and as that happened conversation broke down to a more local level. I was sitting between Tim and Caroline. I was of course more comfortable talking to Caroline, but Tim had started to engage Rachel and Scott - who were to his left - in conversation and curiosity got the best of me.

"So, really, I'm going to set you up with this friend of mine," Rachel started to say to Scott. I had forgotten that Rachel, Scott, Tim and Eric had spent 30 minutes together at the table while waiting for us. "How old are you, can I ask?"

"Thirty seven," Scott replied.

"Oh perfect. She's thirty seven too. You just remind me of her so much!"

"Sounds good to me. Starting next week you'll know where to find me." Scott laughed. Then he turned to me. "Hey so Audrey - you said you went to Stanford, right? And you just graduated? So you're an '05? Geesh, that makes me feel old. I'm just a few years shy of graduating in the 80s. What was your major?"

"Econ. You?"

"Education and Italian. Odd, yes. Let's just say I had a long route to figuring out what to do with myself for a career." He laughed again. "So where did you live each year?"

"Freshman year was Roble, then Suites, then I was abroad and off-campus, then Senior year I was over in the Cowell Houses. Again, you?"

"Ok, so Suites was being built as I was leaving just so you know how old I am. I was in all the big dorms - Branner, Toyon, then Trancos and finally Casa Italiana. Part of the reason I started taking Italian classes was to get into that house. Lots of cute girls and definitely some of the best food on campus." Scott laughed - again - and at this point I could tell that we were losing Tim. Tim certainly liked carcasm and depreciating humor, but he was always put together and Scott's approach was much more casual. Almost goofy. I decided to change the focus.

"So Rachel. Speaking of colleges in common, you now that Elizabeth also went to UCLA right? You guys didn't overlap did you?"

Rachel smiled. "Actually, funny you should ask. Elizabeth was a senior when I was a freshman so I didn't really know her. But I ended up joining the sorority that she had been in, and we wound up in the same 'lineage'. So eventually we crossed paths at an event here in New York. My 'big sister' is her 'little little sister' and that is who introduced us since we were both 'hedge fund girls'. Crazy right?"

"Wow," I said. "What a small world!" I couldn't believe that Elizabeth had hired her sorority sister for a job at Lockwood that didn't even exist. We had all assumed that she had been a Charles connection and that was why she had had an abnormal interview path, but this was even better. I really hoped that at some point I'd have the pleasure of catching the two of them doing their secret handshake.

At that point, Eric cleared his throat.

The Shoe Shiner

January 10th, 2006

January 10th was the second Tuesday of the month. But at 8:15am as I closed the door to my midtown apartment and began my pilgrimage to work, Tuesday January 10th felt like little more than one day closer to Friday than Monday, January 9th. And Monday, January 9th marked the beginning of my fourth week at Lockwood. I walked to work that morning thinking about two things: 1) how excited I was for drinks, dinner, and work gossip that night with Caroline and Margaux and 2) how not excited I was to have to finish up a project for Tim that morning.

It had not taken me long to realize that the big perk to working on projects for Tim was that - like clockwork - his time at the office expired everyday at 5pm. Tim had started a family a bit later in life and when he made the switch from the floor of the stock exchange to Lockwood in his mid 40s, he somehow managed to explicitly or implicitly negotiate that he required quality time with the kiddies, and would therefore only make himself available at Lockwood for market hours +1 on each end of the day. He arrived every morning around 8am (ie 1 hour before the market opened) and left one hour after the closing bell rang at 4. As an analyst supporting him, this meant that if a project for Tim wasn't presented to you until later in the afternoon and/or wasn't finished by the time he left, it would carry over until the next day. This was far better from a lifestyle standpoint than the Elizabeth school of project management, where everything had to be finished, approved, printed, bound, and placed neatly on her desk before you could even dream of stepping out the door.

The other big perk to Tim was that because he had spent his entire career pre-Lockwood buying and selling face to face with brokers on the floor of the stock exchange, he was - how shall I say - "technologically challenged". The story told around the office was that on Tim's first day at Lockwood in 2002, he asked the IT guy setting up his computer "so what exactly is email?" This naivete meant that Tim didn't always have the best sense of how long anything "complicated" (ie in Excel or PowerPoint) should take, and this gave the analysts a bit more cushion for turning things around. In other words, with Tim you didn't have to hold going to the bathroom for hours at a time to avoid the chance of getting burned for dawdling.

Tim never needed to learn the ins and outs of analytics primarily because what he lacked in technical and computer savvy he made up for with his ability to execute cold, hard sales. Projects for him weren't about calculating annualized performance or graphically displaying trends in sector exposure over time, his approach was driven by psychology. Tim kept lengthy files on every dollar that came in the door - who pulled the trigger on sending that money to Lockwood, who that person fraternized with at other firms, what the biggest catalyst was to get them to make an investment and probably even what private school their kids attended. Before a given meeting, he spent as much time as he could afford trying to think like the clients with whom he was meeting. More often than not this process required a lengthy list of information, so projects for him felt almost like scavenger hunts - pulling together all the little bits of information that made someone tick.

That morning I needed to finish up a Tim project for a meeting at 10am with a large client who had made multiple investments in various Lockwood funds. I had only been at the firm a month, but I had been told repeatedly that the performance of some of our funds as of late had been a bit lackluster, so Tim wanted to know if the timing of the client's allocations had been such that overall the investments were still outperforming their benchmarks. In other words, had we held up our end of the tacit agreement and made the client more money than if they had simply invested in a mutual fund or index. If the answer was yes, we could easily present to them a few charts and graphs showing that - despite the recent performance - the decision to invest at Lockwood was still leading to outperformance since inception. If the answer was no, Tim would shelve the graphs and perhaps walk through the investment themes of the previous quarter's letter to investors or pull in a research analyst to share with the client a few investment ideas. Something "big picture" to avoid spending too much time on the recent poor performance.

As I walked through the doors of 325 Park Avenue, I saw that 30 feet in front of me was the firm President, Eric Silverman. I had not met him - only seen him speak at the holiday party last month - and I wondered if he knew who I was. I debated about slowing my pace to ensure that I missed riding up in the same elevator as him, but that plan became next to impossible when I saw him fumbling in his pocket for his id card at the turnstiles. I then opted to double my pace in an attempt to outrun him, but as I flew through the gates of the turnstile I saw that the timing of the elevators was against me. A door closed just as I approached one of the four elevators to our section of the building, and I knew Eric and I would be riding together. At the pace of things, we would probably be the only people in the car as well.

Eric was focused on replacing his card in his wallet when another door dinged its availability in front of us. I walked in and he followed, only looking up when he realized someone (me) had already hit the button for the 17th floor .

He looked at his watch - probably as a means of assessing whether or not I was a client. 8:30 was a bit of a grey zone though, as we hosted a breakfast meeting for clients or peers in the field probably at least once a week. But then logic found him - what 23 year old in Puma sneakers came to a meeting at Lockwood alone.

"Hi, you must be new to Lockwood - are you the hire in Elizabeth's group or in HR?"

I turned and looked surprised, "Eric - yes, hi I'm Audrey Parker. I work for Elizabeth. I just started a few weeks ago so I have to admit, I wasn't fully sure you were, well... you." I capped my cheesy statement with a smile. Luckily he smiled back.

"Right, yes, I don't think we've officially met. I was out the week you started, otherwise I would have tried to stop by and introduce yourself. But has Elizabeth told you about the dinner series I'm starting? I want to take each team out once a quarter to discuss what they are working on, what I can do to help, that type of thing. I think I meet with Marketing later this month."

Eric had started at Lockwood only about two months before me. The way I heard it pitched to investors was that Charles wanted to focus his time on portfolio management, and leave firm management to someone else. Eric had apparently retired just over a year ago from an executive role at a large bank, but he and Charles played golf together on a regular basis, and the story was that over a game last summer, Charles convinced Eric to come out of retirement to lead Lockwood. For a quite a pretty paycheck no doubt.

Eric was looking for an enthusiastic response to his dinner series, so I gave it to him. "That's a great idea. It will be good for me as a new employee as well."

The elevator slowed at that point as we neared the 17th floor. Eric adjusted his bag and as the doors opened he gestured to show that I should exit first, but when the doors opened he looked up startled. "Oh damn", he said.

"Is everything ok?", I asked as I stepped out onto the marble floor of our floor.

"Yes, you know, this sounds crazy, but I'm kind of superstitious. In the mornings, I like to try and ride the elevators up on that side rather than this side. It seems silly but I kind of believe in that stuff, you know? I guess that's what 35 years in this business will do to you."

I laughed politely, as that was the best I could do. I really wanted to ask him how, given the ups and downs of a 35 year career in finance, he managed to actually believe in something like the power of an elevator bank. At a firm that touted its fundamental, data-driven research process to its investors, here was the man who headed up the whole thing, and this morning he felt he had cursed the firm for the day by taking car #3 rather than #2 or #4. I had never really thought about it professionally, but I realized at that point that it probably wouldn't hurt to keep to myself the fact that I was born on a Friday the 13th.

Eric lingered in the elevator just long enough that I think if I had not been there he would have ridden the car down to the lobby and come back up in a car that would put him out on the other side of the hall. However, he followed me out of the car and we both walked through the door off the foyer that led to the back section of the office. His office was located in the far corner of the floor, whereas I turned off for the Pod much earlier, so we were spared from making too much additional small talk. My parting comment was about looking forward to the team dinner, his was a joke about the world ending because of his elevator gaff - clearly this was a big deal.

I heard the sound of Caroline typing away at her desk as I approached the Pod. I gave her a "Good morning!" as I put my bag down to take off my jacket and she gave me one back while mid-sentence in typing her email.

But then she stopped at turned to me. "Oooh, hey actually. So Tim sent me an email this morning and I think he copied you on it, but he just wanted to make sure we had that chart showing performance for each separate investment for the client coming in at 10am. I told him I saw you working on it last night and that I'd check in with you - are you all set on that?"

"I think so - I just want to double check a few things and would you mind taking a look before I show him?"

"Absolutely - let me know when you are ready."

I had learned the week before that checking, double checking, and then getting someone else to check things was the way to go at Lockwood. I had pulled a report out of our client database the week prior and reformatted it in a hurry for Elizabeth only to have her look at it and say "no staple, no page numbers, no alphabetization, no way" and send me back to my desk. The data was completely accurate, but Elizabeth's first line of defense when reviewing something addressed appearance. So for today, even though I had simply copied from our client database the basic information about the performance of this client's accounts and corresponding benchmark performance, I definitely didn't want to make the same mistake again with Tim. I printed the report, confirmed all the performance figures, the page numbers, the chronological sort, and the correct angle of the staple, and then asked Caroline to take a look.

While she was comparing the information on the sheet to the figures in the client database (ie the triple confirmation) I got up to get breakfast. I had never really been a breakfast person in college, but once I got into the habit at Lockwood, I found myself absolutely famished come 9am. I tried to steer clear of the sausage, egg, and cheese combo unless I was facing a real emergency (read: hangover) and my new thing was a pack of the organic oatmeal, and a handful of blueberries and raspberries.

This morning, however, I walked into the kitchen to find a massive tray of pastries. Croissants, danishes, biscotti, cinnamon buns, bagels - you name it, it was there. I barely knew what to take first - the novelty of large quantities of good, free food had still not worn off. I abandoned my oatmeal for a chocolate croissant and a cheese danish and... an almond biscotti. I balanced the plate of treats in my left hand and my coffee in my right. I walked out the door of the kitchen hoping no one would see my 1,000 calorie breakfast and thought to myself that this loot at Starbucks would have easily topped $10.

I placed my plate down and Caroline turned to me and said, "The report looks great. I'd get it to Tim right away - the numbers are good but not as strong as he might like so he could want something else for this meeting. This client - as I'm sure you saw - has about $150 million with us, so it's a pretty big deal."

Then she looked at my plate and said, "Ahhh, the pasty tray. I think I gained five pounds when that thing showed up every week for one month. Gotta love those VIP breakfast meetings."

I ignored the five pound comment as well as my plate of breakfast delights to print up a copy of the report for Tim on the "good" paper. Lockwood had 3 different printers in this corner of the office: one for high quality color print outs, one for regular black and white print outs, and one for black and white print outs for clients. The first and the last printers were stocked by IT with "good" paper, which was a bit thicker and about twice as expensive as "regular" paper. Nothing but the best for our clients. Especially since they paid for it.

I stood by the printer waiting for it to warm up for about 30 seconds, and stapled together the 3 copies of the report I had printed - Tim liked to have one for him, one for me, and then one extra for the client assuming he had no edits. If he had edits, all three were trashed.

I walked out of the Pod, and down the hall toward Tim's office. I heard him talking as I approached and I could tell he was on the phone. I knew he wanted the report now though and he had left his door open so I stopped for a minute to decide what to do. Usually I would not interrupt Tim while he was on the phone, but in this situation I felt ok quickly darting in and out, and just leaving the copies on his desk. I took the remaining few steps to his door, thinking about how I would gesture to him to call me if he had edits. I planted one foot on the threshold and turned in to enter his office. I started to make my hand take the shape of a phone receiver that I would raise to my mouth when I mouthed "call me with any questions", when I realized I was on the verge of tripping over something. I put my hand with the reports out to try and catch the edge of the chair in front of his desk in an effort to support myself, but my momentum was carrying me forward. I flipped over the little mound at my feet, slid off the side of the chair, and landed on the floor in front of Tim's large antique desk. I managed to crinkle the reports - and the good paper - in the process.

Tim quickly put whoever he was talking to on hold, and bolted up to look over the front of his desk at me. I was already a shade of red somewhere bordering on "ohmygawdthatwassohorrifying" when I realized someone - and not Tim - was pulling me up to my feet. I finally got upright and stood eye to hairline with a small man dressed in a dingy grey pair of pants and a grey flannel button down. At his feet was a wooden box, a brush, and some rags. It took me a minute to gather myself enough to realize this man was a shoe shiner.

"Wow", said Tim. "First, new girl, are you ok? Second, I mean, WOW. That was really something. Well, I suppose introductions are in order: new girl, this is Guillermo, Guillermo this is Audrey, she just started last month. Audrey, just so you know, Guillermo comes through the second Tuesday of every month to give shoe shines to anyone who needs one in the office. He also fixes shoes - I'm not sure if yours survived that fall or not, but he does good work if you broke a heel or something. I don't think broken bones are part of his contract though - wink, wink. But anyway, right... so yes, as I said - the second Tuesday of every month and the sky is the limit on the shoe magic he can make happen, right Guillermo? Hey, are you ok, buddy? Lucky for both of you - and I guess my chair - you're a lightweight Audrey."

I had no words at this point. None. I'm pretty sure Guillermo said something to me in Spanglish, and even though I took 9 years of Spanish in high school and college, I ignored the opportunity to show off my language skills and mumbled something about re-printing, and turned and walked out of Tim's office.

With my head down to hide my flushed expression, I double timed it back to the Pod. I sat at my desk and stared at my screen blankly. I then decided I needed my chocolate croissant while I stared, mostly so I was at least doing something. It was too bad my mind was back in Tim's office - I didn't taste a single bite.

What frustrated me the most about the whole incident was Guillermo; not actually anything about him as a person, moreso the simple fact that he existed within Lockwood. A shoe shiner on retainer? The second Tuesday of the month? How on earth was I supposed to expect that? It certainly seemed like an uncommon office procedure based off of my exposure to the working world. But I was learning that Lockwood was most definitely an uncommon place. I just didn't expect to trip over the perks while attempting to do my job.

I was so lost in thought about the whole situation that it wasn't until the third or fourth ring that I noticed someone was calling me. Of course, it was Tim. The last thing I wanted to do right then was talk to anyone, let alone the man who had just seen me tumble across his office. I picked up the phone and tried my hardest to sound relatively emotionally neutral.

"Hi Tim."

"Awww, new girl. I'm really sorry about that. I probably should just give Guillermo my shoes and let him shine away in the hall, but I have to admit that there is just something more enjoyable to getting your shoes shined right on your feet. Next time, I'll try and make sure he's not in the doorway though. I just never really thought what happened could happen. Are you sure you are ok?"

I really didn't want to talk about this. "Yes, I'm fine. I should have looked before I charged in I guess. I just didn't really expect that I have to admit."

"Well, expect the unexpected around here, kiddo. Anyway, no worries. I'm not going to send an office all email or anything with a play by play of the situation, though it was pretty funny. Nor do I really have time to talk about it right now. I'm calling because despite your good efforts, I don't think I ever actually got a copy of the report for the meeting today. Can you print off a quick couple of copies for me and bring them by? I promise zero obstacles along the way."

I was turning red again at my desk. I had a strange feeling I'd be hearing about this one for a while. "Sure, no problem. I'll be right over."

So I once more found myself standing by the black and white printer with the "good" paper waiting for the three copies to emerge. And again, I eyed the danish and biscotti on my plate, this time mostly just wishing I could go back in time to when the chocolate croissant was still on the plate and I could re-do my entrance into Tim's office. I stapled and confirmed the correct order of the pages and walked to Tim's office. He was sitting at his desk with an almost imperceptable smirk on his face. Almost.

"Ok, here are three copies - want to walk through it now together or take a look and call me back if you have any edits?"

"Let's talk a look now, shall we?" I sat down in the same chair that had failed to me catch me earlier. Urgh.

Tim pulled out a pen and scanned down the numbers on the page. I wasn't sure exactly what he was thinking, but it was all part of his psychological analysis. Caroline had mentioned that she didn't know if Tim would be satisfied with the conclusion of the report, so I was nervous that I was about to be dished a fire drill project to complete in 30 minutes or less.

"Hmm. This is interesting. The numbers are good, but not that good. The last thing I want is people thinking that Charles is losing his edge. I'm going to keep a copy of this in case they ask for it, but you can do me a favor and set up a research analyst for this meeting? First choice is the Jeff, second choice is... Maria. Call me back when you know who is available - I want to brief them on what to talk about in this meeting."

I told him no problem and got up and went back to the Pod. This seemed relatively quick so I was relieved. I sat down at my desk and pulled out the phone list and scanned down for Jeff. I picked up the phone and dialed his extension.

"Hello?" the voice said.

"Hi Jeff, this is Audrey - I'm a hire new on the marketing team. Tim Walter has a client meeting today at 10am and he wanted to know if you were available to sit in on it with him."

Silence.

"Who is this?"

"Audrey Parker - in marketing." The firm was only 100 people and Tim used research analysts all the time; I wasn't sure why this was so confusing.

"Audrey - this is Jeff Moran, General Counsel. Does Tim want me in the meeting or does he want Jeff Hendrickson - the research analyst who covers the short book?"

The pit in my stomach still felt massive from my trip, but apparently it had room to grow even more. I had called the wrong Jeff.

"Jeff - I'm so sorry. Tim just said call Jeff and I didn't realize there were two. I'm pretty sure he wants the research analyst - sorry!"

"Not a problem, Audrey. Just let me know if he does in fact need legal advice - that's what I'm here for."

I hung up and took a deep breath. It was 9:40am and I was already DONE with this day. I decided to eliminate further error and called over to Caroline for advice.

"Caroline, if Tim wants 'Jeff' in his meeting at 10am, and I uh, I noticed there are two Jeffs on the phone list - which Jeff does that mean?"

"Oh, good catch. Tim means Jeff Hendrickson. Jeff Moran is our General Counsel." She said it in a way that implied, "We don't ever call him. Duh." Damn.

I looked up Jeff Hendrickson's extension and dialed. Thankfully, he was available - I was pretty ready for this project to come to an end. I called Tim to let him know and he said he would take care of things from this point. I decided to wait until the clock hit 10am - just in case something else popped up - before I finished off my breakfast. It had seemed much more exciting an hour ago.

------------

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Tim had some follow-up from his meeting that he needed assistance with, and Caroline showed me a few more reports that we ran for the Portfolio Managers at mid-month. Margaux was busy dealing with cleaning up some subscriptions and redemptions from the funds at year end - none of which I really understood, but it didn't seem to concern me. I still wasn't exactly sure what I had been hired to do at Lockwood, but whatever it was it seemed more aligned with Caroline's work than Margaux's.

The day was busy, but every hour or so one of the two of them would express excitement at our dinner plans for the evening. Tuesday wasn't the ideal day for a night of heavy eating and drinking, but Elizabeth and the other Managing Director on our team had dinner plans, and then Tim we knew would leave the office at 5pm. Caroline and Margaux and I had been throwing around the idea of a dinner to talk office gossip since I started, and last week Caroline noticed that today would be the perfect time. She immediately made a 7pm reservation at La Palapa in the East Village.

For me, this was a huge social break. I had hit it off during my interviews and during the holiday party with both Caroline and Margaux, but things had been so busy that I had had not really had the time to get to know them any better. The two of them had worked together for over two years, so they had a great dynamic and as cheesy as it sounded, I wanted "in" on their scene. Having friends at the office I figured would make things a bit more fun.

Elizabeth popped back to the Pod around 6pm - letting us know she was heading out early that evening, and making sure everything was set for meetings and reports for the next day. The three of us sat at our desks like squirmish schoolchildren waiting for our teacher to leave the room so we could cause trouble. We all watched our internal instant message system until she logged off - no more requests would come our way so we all packed our bags and headed out the door.

The dynamic in the cab on the way to the restaurant was already off to a good start. After the chaos of the end of the year, we all needed a good Lockwood detox session.

Margaux began, "Honestly, I am so sick of this crap. Wiring instructions are written to be SO CLEAR and state line by line exactly what people need to do to send money to the Funds, and yet I somehow spent all day today cleaning up after these people. Wrong numbers, wrong account names - this isn't rocket science. These people are managing millions of dollars, you'd think they could fill out a simple form right. I swear, the next person I am just going to chew out for being a complete IDIOT."

Caroline laughed. "Margaux, you are so funny. Can you please put the phone on speaker when you decide to let it loose? I don't want to miss that."

Margaux, "Dude. Don't tempt me. Seriously, I'm really close to flipping my shit. Urgh. I need like 4 margaritas right now. WAIT though. First things first, you guys have to tell me the story about Elizabeth WIGGING out right before Christmas. I so wish I could have seen that. When you called me Caroline, I could not believe it. She can be such a frigging looney toon. What happened?

Caroline laughed and looked at me to make sure I was also finding this conversation funny. And I was. "I mean, I almost think there are no words. Audrey, you poor thing - you must have been so horrified. Elizabeth truly lost it on your fifth day in the office. It is just unreal."

They were both looking at me so I decided I should start the story. "It was just so weird. I went up to say goodbye and she seemed fine and then two minutes later she was sprinting down the hallway and started babbling about her kids and stuff. I didn't even realize she had kids."

Margaux laughed. "She has kids - kind of. Elizabeth's has three nannies for three children. I've never once seen her run out of the office to tend to them. She's at all the concerts, school meetings, things like that - but day in and day out they aren't her responsibility. When she talks about them I swear to God it is in the exact same way she talks about the companies that we invest in. It's frigging creepy."

I finished up recapping my version of the Christmas Eve story just as we pulled up to the restaurant. Margaux still couldn't believe Elizabeth had flipped out. She had been at Lockwood for nearly five years and had not seen anything like that. "Damn, I would love to see that. So maybe she's human. Kind of..."

La Palapa was Margaux's favorite Mexican restaurant in the city. Despite the French name, she had spent part of her childhood in Mexico City, and loved a good mole sauce and killer margarita. We walked in the door and she greeted one of the managers at the door. They spoke quickly in Spanish - something about what table she liked - and we were seated. Three little glasses of the smoothest tequilla I've ever had were brought to us soon after we seated. A gift from the manager it seemed. We were starting the evening off right.

Three margaritas each and two appetizers later, we were a pack of giggling sorority sisters. We re-hashed the embarrassing events of the Holiday party, Elizabeth's freak out (again), and a few other good office stories. We moved to non-work conversation, and Margaux asked Caroline about her long distance relationship with her college boyfriend.

"Things are great overall" Caroline said as she shuffled the remaining pieces of a taquito on her plate.

"Bullshit, Caro. 'Great' is a lame word."

"Ok fine. Good? Things are good? No, well, it's weird. Nothing is wrong per se, it's just hard sometimes. We have been apart for so long it's almost like neither one of us wants to talk engagement because we just aren't sure when we'd be together or even what it will be like to be together all the time again. You know?"

She looked at me, and I nodded like I knew even though I'd never had a long distance relationship in my life.

Margaux kept digging. "So what's the plan? Is he moving here? You there? I mean, you can't do this forever right?"

"I'm not really sure. He might be able to get a transfer here, but it also might be faster and easier for me to go there. It's just hard to pick one career over another."

"Caro, wait. Would you stay at Lockwood as a career? Really? I mean, I'm single and not leaving New York, and I'm counting down the days until I'm out of there."

They both looked at me quickly as soon as she said that. "What?" I asked. They were still looking at me and Margaux started to smile. "Wait, WHAT? Was that serious? You are leaving? Are you kidding me?" Caroline signaled to our server that we would take another round of margaritas.

"No, I'm serious. Audrey, I've been there for five years. FIVE YEARS. And I've been Elizabeth's bitch the whole time. And nothing has changed. You guys came in, Tim joined, Erica - this old analyst - left, and, for me, nothing changed. Every year during my review I asked about where I was heading, what new things I could work on, and Elizabeth would talk about big picture things that I could get involved in, but it rarely panned out. She just can't think like that. She gets caught up in micromanaging too much and likes things staying just the way they are. So this year, when I was home in Austin for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I started talking with my family about my options and decided that as soon as my bonus hits, I'm leaving."

I could tell that Margaux was excited about this news, but I felt awful. I had so much fun talking with her during my interview, and the whole time she had been thinking of leaving?

"Aww, Aud - you look sad. I'm sorry. It's nothing against either of you guys - I just had to go."

"No, I'm excited for you - sounds like you're really ready for this. It's just going to be weird without you at the office I think. So when do bonuses hit? When are you leaving?"

"Friday, January 27th. I CANNOT wait. I'll probably tell Elizabeth the following Monday though." She smiled. "I don't think she has any idea."

Caroline replied, "I don't think any of us is ready, Margaux." She stopped talking for a moment while the staff delivered our fourth round of margs and each of our entrees. "Honestly, especially this new girl starting next week."

I was confused. "Wait, aren't I the new girl?"

Margaux and Caroline looked at each other and Margaux said, "Classic. Elizabeth told both of us yesterday and said she'd tell you later in the day but I'm sure she got wrapped up in something. Yeah, apparently this girl has been 'approved' by Charles to join the team, which means she has a job here whether there is one or not. Kind of like you, though we were at least posting that job on our internal website and stuff. I think she's coming in at the end of the week to meet a few more people, but who knows when she'll start. I'm pretty sure she'll end up covering most of the stuff I'm working on once I tell everyone I'm leaving, but who knows."

I felt totally out of the loop. Margaux leaving, one new girl coming - what did I know?

"Wait," Caroline began. "Ha, and one more thing, Audrey. We are also probably bringing on board this guy from Morgan Stanley. He's a senior hire so I think he's coming in as a Managing Director or at least a Senior VP. That one don't feel bad about not hearing anything though, because no one talks about things that high up. Elizabeth only told me because she wanted me to set up a meeting for him with a client as soon as he starts. This whole secrecy thing started about 6 months ago when we had someone lined up for this spot and the day they were supposed to start they pulled out. It was pretty embarrassing for Elizabeth and I think Charles got mad at her for getting lax on this guy once she had assumed the deal was settled, so now she never announces anything big like that to the rest of us until the person is in the office. It's kind of a superstitious thing I guess."

I didn't want to talk about all the things I didn't know about anymore. The tequila was flowing through me at full speed and rather than get fired up about what I wasn't privvy to, I decided to stick to things I had seen with my own eyes.

"Oh my gosh, so speaking of - the funniest thing happened to me this morning." It was then that I realized that more than one funny thing had happened that morning, but I decided I wasn't yet ready to share a story that involved me flipping over a small Latino man. "So, I rode the elevator up with Eric Silverman and he freaked out when he realized he had not ridden up the 'lucky' set of elevators, which is what I guess he takes up to the office every morning. It was so bizarre. He really panicked; I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been there, he would have gone back down and come back up the other side."

Caroline and Margaux both laughed. Margaux took a big sip of her drink, smiled, and stuck her hand out to show she had a story for me. "Oh Audrey. People are so superstitious around here - that's nothing. One week Charles wore the exact same outfit four days in a row because each day his Funds were up big time over the index."

Caroline laughed. "Oh oh, and remember the story of when Guillermo was eating an apple in the elevator up with Charles one morning, and then Apple stock took off just as the market opened? I'm pretty sure Charles almost made him an unofficial member of his research team. We heard that story for WEEKS!"

I had a hard time laughing at that one and it didn't go unnoticed. "Ok," I sighed. "So do you guys want to hear something kind of embarrassing?" Of course the answer was yes. "This morning I was kind of walking fast slash running into Tim's office and... ugh. I tripped over Guillermo."

Caroline spat out a mouthful of margarita and Margaux went into hysterics.

"Yeah, I know. It was pretty horrifying. I just... I had NO idea. I mean, a shoe shiner? Sitting at his feet by the side of his desk? Of all the things to have to think about. It was so unreal. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to look at Guillermo ever again. And Tim clearly is not going to let this one die any time soon."

Caroline had calmed down a bit but was still pretty much openly laughing. "That is hysterical. You seemed kind of out of it at one point this morning, and I was just hoping Tim wasn't being mean to you or anything. I had NO idea it was something so comical." She laughed again. "So, were you ok? I mean, what exactly happened?"

"No I'm totally fine. Nothing really happened, I just kind of fell over him and then turned beet red, and mumbled something and ran out the door. At that point, I just couldn't deal with it; the whole thing was just so dumb. I heard Tim on the phone when I got close to his door, so I figured I could just duck in, drop off the reports, and run out."

"Guillermo is definitely kind of an odd office perk in my opinion", Margaux commented. "I'm sure it costs more to keep him on retainer to polish 15 pairs of shoes over 3 hours than any of us know, but apparently after the first couple years of killer performance, Charles decided it was something he wanted to treat himself to. I can't even begin to guess the number of times I have walked into Tim's office and had lengthy conversations with him while Guillermo is sitting there buffing away like mad at Tim's feet. It is SO awkward. Guillermo of course couldn't care less, but I honestly feel grossed out. If Guillermo was a hot chick, it would be like the start of a bad porn movie or something." She shuddered and stuck out her tongue, "Urrrgh, creepy."

I laughed, and as I did I couldn't help but think about the fact that in a month, Margaux would probably be gone. And two new people might be joining. And I had no idea. I wondered if Elizabeth deemed all this above my head, or if this rapid fire turnover was common at Lockwood. I was only 23 years old and I'd had about six shots of tequila, but both of those options sounded a little dysfunctional to me.

Caroline and Margaux were mid-conversation about another ridiculous Tim story when I decided to blurt out, "Wait, so Margaux, where are you GOING?"

Margaux went on to describe how she expected an offer from a smaller hedge fund where she would be the third hire on a marketing team and would have a lot more responsibility. She also mentioned that she was also meeting with some people over at the UN later that week to discuss a position there. Margaux had been a political science major at Michigan, and she was fluent in French and Spanish, so the role would allow her to tap into those skills; it would just pay about one third as much as she was making now at Lockwood.

"It's just so hard." she began, "Imagine scaling everything back by a THIRD. This city is so damn expensive and I feel like I barely save anything as it is. But then on the other side, what if I didn't hate 80% of the people I spent the day dealing with? I'm sure there will be some idiots there too, but at least it wouldn't be dealing with these difficult people and their money. Which might be worth a pay cut right there. Plus, maybe more than once a month I could leave work before its pitch black outside. That'd be something, right?"

Listening to all this, while educational, was probably not the best thing for a twenty something on week four of her first job who was drinking rather aggressively. I was starting to question MY decision to come to Lockwood, and I suddenly felt like I needed some air. I stood up, excused myself and made my way toward the ladies room. I was relived that it was a one toilet situation and even more relieved that it was empty. I walked in, took one look at that porcelain bowl, and knew what was coming. Out came taquitos, guacamole, some carne asada, and three and a half margaritas. It wasn't pretty.

I flushed away my dinner, and walked over the the sink to wash my face and hands. I felt better. Maybe.

I returned to the table, pushed the rest of my remaining margarita away from me and when our server came over to check on us, I took the opporunity to ask for an ice water with lemon. Margaux and Caroline both looked at me.

"You calling it a night, slugger?" Margaux asked.

"Not yet, but I am kind of zonked. I worked out this morning before work." That wasn't true but it sounded plausible. "What are you guys thinking?"

Caroline looked at her watch. "Wow. It's only 9 o'clock. I guess this is what happens when you get out of work at 6:30, huh? I'm kind of tempted to keep things going, but I also think less is more for a Tuesday. I guess what I'm saying is that I wouldn't mind putting this buzz to bed early. How do you feel, Margaux?"

"I guess I agree, but you two have to promise me that we are going out big time on my last night!"

We agreed just as the check came, and Caroline quickly slid a credit card under the bill and said that the night was "on Lockwood". I didn't see that one coming but I also wasn't about to complain. It was a bit easier to get over the unexpected "turnaround" of my expensive meal knowing I didn't actually pay for it.

We wrapped up the evening and I was glad to find myself in the fetal position by 10pm, nursing a large glass of ginger ale through one of the neon bendy straws my mother had insisted on buying for me at the grocery store. I eventually nodded off, but because of all the ginger ale I sucked down before bed, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. It was only my second week in my new apartment, but I was used to the room arrangement so I knew how to feel my way around in the dark. I took care of business but as I re-entered the bedroom on my way back to bed, I heard a strange crunch when I went to put my right foot down. It didn't sound good. I scrambled to find the light switch on the wall, and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness I looked down and saw that I had just stepped on one of my leather boots, which I'd thrown off my feet in a hurry on my way into bed. I bent over to throw it out of the way, when I realized that the boot I stepped on had in fact been stacked over the heel of its mate. I picked up the top boot and discovered that I had cracked the heel right off of the boot that had been underneath. Lovely. Thank goodness for Guillermo.

Chaps.

1 - SEP: Returning from trip
2 - OCT: Catering job
What is a hedge fund?
3 - NOV: Interviews - all in one day
4 - DEC: Holiday party
5 - DEC: 24th
6 - JAN: Shoe shining/dinner with 2 young co workers
7 - JAN: Kara firing/quarterly calls/Team dinner
8 - MAR: unsittable couch with client on it, wiggy IM, chris going "silent", calling for day's P&L, then see "cheap" in presentation
9 - JUL: Picnic - all party description
10 - JUL: Day after picnic - bfast sandwiches, Meghan email, wine cellar, yacht and clam bake print outs
11 - AUG: Amanda HD summer intern/Wishow "good" mood interaction/UBP meeting with audobons/Christine H/Frollick in office (covering bc everyone on vacation)
12 - OCT: Jim M freak out/Engagement party/Leigh collapse
13 - JAN: New Years day - relaunch allocator fund; prep so ready for prep so ready for wednesday.
14 - MAR: cooking classes/Reed character introduction - mean until ppl in common
15 - APR: investor day planning - lame conversations, budget, cancel big JPM meeting (bc at conf.)
16 - JUN: investor day/questions from clients weeded out (ex x and y share class)/internal job to sburnsy
17 - SEP: job offer elsewhere - bschool advice, money upped
18 - JAN: year end review/no bschool bc frantic "priority emails" - QL, investor report, CIC questionnaire
19 - MAR: say leaving; all team meeting "open" conversation/chris thrown under the bus
20 - JUN: training ann, sudden chloe start, bear hires, lunch with chris, dinner with team
21 - JUL: last day in the office

epilogue - bad performance, Charles speech to"just keep having fun", then laid off 30% of the firm

me: internship rotations, want to publish something, advice to put pen to paper, took three months to do so. rest is history...